WEEK 9

Reese’s is the best Halloween candy and Miami (FL) will be #1 in the first CFP rankings on Tuesday night. That’s all we know to be true in this world.

That, and #2 is cursed. Call it a death certificate.

On Halloween night, the bedeviled ranking claimed yet another victim, making it FOUR consecutive weeks.

This time, it was #2 Ohio State, falling at the hands of the unranked USC Trojans, 30-18 in a rainy, spooky LA. Yes, the same Trojans who managed a measly seven points in a loss to Wisconsin (and wait until you hear what they were up to this weekend).

And then there’s our defending champs (who just lost to the aforementioned defeated Buckeyes two weeks ago). For the second consecutive week, the Hoosiers, squarely in the GameDay spotlight, eeked out an OT survival. This time against Minnesota. 

It must have been a jump scare for IU fans following the game on Twitter (I will never call it X). My feed was littered with premature, “GOPHERS WIN” tweets, and honestly, I don’t even blame the perpetrating posters. Minnesota drilled a 60-yard FG with 19 seconds left to take the lead. But, the resilient Cignetti army answered with a 60-yarder of their own to force OT. Brutal beat for blood-caked PJ Fleck.

Meanwhile, #1 Miami nearly joined the Halloween body count, escaping North Carolina 38-35. Despite the loss, I have to wonder if Bill Belichick is starting to find his groove…

Then there's that Wisconsin tease. Last week, the Badgers beat USC 24-7. Wisconsin's response? 

And remember last week when we asked whether Northwestern was actually good? Well, the #20 Wildcats lost to Oregon 34-26. Not exactly a humiliation. But the first leg of their Oregon-Iowa-Ohio State gauntlet is officially in the loss column. Northwestern might be the candy corn of college football. Some people swear by it. The rest of us remain deeply suspicious.

Meanwhile, down south, #3 Georgia finally looked like the Bulldogs we've come to expect, dispatching #17 Florida 27-8. A convincing win. A return to form. And… a likely promotion to… #2. (Insert eyes emoji).

Around the rest of the OTC slate, #13 Texas Tech beat #22 Arizona 34-26, while South Carolina hammered Oklahoma 42-25. The Gamecocks have now beaten Tennessee and Oklahoma in consecutive weeks. Naturally, they'll probably lose to a community college next Saturday.

Clemson beat Florida State 36-24. Cockroach Dabo lives to scuttle another day. Memphis demolished Army 49-22, while Georgia Southern held Appalachian State to THREE points in a 19-3 victory. And #6 Utah dismantled Cincinnati 49-25. That marks 8 wins and 0 losses for the Utes. We’ll be watching.

In OTC, Juan's 1st Entry absolutely dominated Week Nine, posting a monstrous 48 points, a full 7 points better than the next-best entry. Number Juan on the week. And it wasn't particularly close.

Atop the overall standings, WahooWa continues to lead the pack with 328 points. But 404NoPointsFound has surged into second at 322, followed by Back 2 Back and nononsense tied for third at 321.

And get this: TWENTY-ONE competitors have now eclipsed 300 points. Nine weeks down, and this thing is WIDE open.

And then there's Diamond Dave's 1st Entry. Last week, we celebrated Dave's triumphant return to participation after a zero-point performance. Twenty-four points! Progress! Redemption! A second chance!

This week? ZERO. AGAIN.

Dave has officially relapsed.

We tried rehabilitation. We tried positive reinforcement. We even suspended our petition to have him removed from the league. Enough. TO THE GUILLOTINE.

And now, November awaits. The Halloween decorations are coming down. The candy bowls are empty. But the question looms: will the curse of #2 relinquish its stranglehold on college football? We’ll likely find out in Oxford, Mississippi where UGA will take on an Ole Miss team that pulled away from Auburn late before dismantling entirely 45-15.

Week Ten also boasts a massive showdown between Utah and BYU. Texas travels to sneaky Missouri to keep its playoff hopes alive. Ohio State looks to bounce back at home against a roller coaster Oregon squad. Bama visits Death Valley. Kentucky squares off against Rocky Top in TN. And hurricane sweeps through South Bend. Reserve a spot on your couch.

And don’t forget: Think you're slick? Make that pick!

           VEGAS

#22 Arizona @ #13 Texas Tech (-3.5)

#25 Wisconsin @ Iowa (-2.5)

Minnesota @ #4 Indiana (-20.5)

#20 Northwestern @ Oregon (-3.5)

#6 Utah (-7) @ Cincinnati

South Carolina @ Oklahoma (-3.5)

App State @ Georgia Southern (-5.5)

Clemson @ Florida State (-6)

#2 Ohio State (-6.5) @ USC

Army @ Memphis (-6.5)

WEEK 8

So much for last week’s call for a breather. College football is hyperventilating into a brown paper bag. Week Eight delivered FIVE unranked-over-ranked upsets. Who knew parity and chaos went hand in hand?

And nowhere was the madness more apparent than in Orlando, where the OTC darling BYU Cougars learned that being ranked #2 in America is a death sentence. Just seven days after stunning #2 Notre Dame in Provo, the Cougars inherited the very ranking they had vanquished. Then they lost to unranked UCF, 39-31, in double overtime. For the third consecutive week, one of the nation's top two teams fell to an unranked opponent. At this point, a #1 or #2 ranking should come with a surgeon general's warning.

And the way BYU lost? A masterpiece in self-destruction. After surviving a chaotic finish to regulation, the Cougars appeared to have forced UCF into a field goal in the second overtime.

Then they roughed the kicker. Gave up a first down. Then a touchdown. Then a two-point conversion. Ballgame.

Meanwhile, the SEC continues to devour itself. SEC officially stands for Some Epic Cannibalism.

Last week, Auburn knocked off #1 Georgia. Tennessee beat Alabama. And Florida continued as masters of whiplash, handing Texas a second straight loss.

This weekend?

Auburn lost to LSU 38-17. Tennessee lost to South Carolina 27-24 on a walk-off field goal. Texas finally snapped that two-game losing streak, beating #7 Ole Miss 34-27 (after nearly blowing a 24-3 halftime lead).

I have a better chance of predicting the next pope (prayers up to Leo) than the next SEC champion.

And if you thought the SEC was a mess, allow me to introduce the Big Ten.

Wisconsin beat #16 USC 24-7. Illinois beat Oregon 21-10. Minnesota knocked off #15 Iowa 13-10 on a walk-off field goal. Special recognition goes to B*tches Be Hatin, the ONLY entry among 35 to pick the Gophers. Nobody be hatin’ on you today, bitch. And in Ann Arbor, #6 Indiana needed overtime to escape Michigan 13-6 in a game that made you forget how to spell the word “offense.”

And while the rest of the conference is busy setting itself on fire, #24 Northwestern quietly demolished Rutgers 42-14. Yes. Northwestern. 6-1 Northwestern. Are the Wildcats… good? They’ve yet to beat a ranked team, but 6 wins is 6 wins. With Oregon, Iowa, and Ohio State their gauntlet for the next three weeks, we’ll know one way or another very soon…

Around the rest of the OTC slate, Toledo survived Western Michigan 45-38 in a MAC shootout, while North Texas beat Navy 49-39. Virginia Tech beat Clemson 20-16 in Death Valley. Someone send Dabo an Away gift card. UTSA hammered Tulane 42-19, while New Mexico beat North Dakota State 21-16. Our OG 2026 OTC love interest has now lost two straight after opening the season 6-0. Welcome to the big leagues, Bison. And in the marquee Big 12 matchup, #10 Utah handled #14 Houston 21-13. A relatively civilized affair by this week's standards.

LearCat25 clawed his way to the Week Eight OTC crown with an impressive 44 points. Nice work you crazy cat.

Atop the overall standings, WahooWa has tightened his grip on first place with 296 points. But the challengers are circling. nononsense has surged into second at 289, followed by Green Goblin 65 at 288 and former frontrunner PickleRicks RicklePicks at 287. Four entries separated by nine points. The race is heating up.

And now, get your rotten tomatoes ready for the pretentiously named THE. Thirteen points. Two wins. EIGHT losses. In a week defined by underdogs pulling off stunning upsets, THE picked FIVE underdogs. And somehow managed to pick all the wrong ones. It's one thing to miss the boat. It's another to board five different vessels and watch every single one sink.

In the spirit of recognizing personal growth, a word about Diamond Dave's 1st Entry.

After last week's zero-point performance, Dave actually showed up and scored 24 points. A 24-point improvement! Unfortunately, his 158 total points still leave him 82 behind the next-lowest entry.

Well gents, eight weeks down–over halfway home–and absolutely nobody knows what's going to happen next. But there’s no rest for the weary. Week Nine will be coming at us fast. With only two top-25 ranked matchups (#17 Florida v. #3 Georgia and #22 Arizona v. #13 Texas Tech), you’d think we can FINALLY catch that breath. Lol. Yeah right.

Think you're slick? Make that pick!

                    VEGAS

Western Michigan @ Toledo (-3.5)

#11 Tennessee @ South Carolina (-2.5)

#15 Iowa (-6.5) @ Minnesota

North Texas (-2.5) @ Navy

Virginia Tech @ Clemson (-3)

#7 Ole Miss @ #19 Texas (-3.5)

#16 USC (-3) @ Wisconsin

UTSA (-2.5) @ Tulane

North Dakota State @ New Mexico (-4.5)

#14 Houston @ #10 Utah (-6.5)

WEEK 7

"Bear my testimony"

The fields are stained red across America today.

BLOODSHED in college football. FIVE of the top eight teams in the country were vanquished Saturday. FIVE. #1 Georgia. #2 Notre Dame. #5 Indiana. #6 Alabama. #7 Texas. And #3 Miami needed double overtime to escape Florida State.

The last time five of the AP's top eight teams lost on the same day, George H. W. Bush (the dad for those of you who haven’t opened a history book) hadn't even been inaugurated.

January 2, 1989. Thirty-seven years.

This wasn't a Saturday. It was a massacre.

And nowhere was the carnage more crushing than Athens, Georgia. Just seven days after securing their first victory in Tuscaloosa since 2007, the newly crowned #1 Bulldogs welcomed unranked Auburn to town. A fumble with just over a minute remaining set up the Tigers' game-winning field goal. Georgia 24. Auburn 27. The Dawgs’ renewed reign atop the college football world lasted a mere week.

Meanwhile, in Provo, #8 BYU, my beloved Cougars, delivered its biggest victory since knocking off #1 Miami in 1990, stunning #2 Notre Dame 28-24. And the Cougars did it behind a quarterback who doubled as a Swiss Army knife. Bear Bachmeier threw for a touchdown. Ran for a touchdown. Caught a touchdown. Yes. CAUGHT. Against the #2 team in America.

Only three OTC entries had faith in the ghost of Steve Young (no, he’s not actually dead): MasterGrimes, THE, and RecordSetter 98. Way to believe!

Back in Indiana, in Bloomington to be specific, the defending national champions saw their 22-game winning streak come to an agonizing end. Trailing #4 Ohio State 19-15, #5 Indiana faced 4th and 4 with the game on the line. Nick Marsh burned his corner back. The throw was there. The touchdown was there. His feet were not. Turnover on downs. Ballgame. Twenty-two straight wins, undone by approximately six inches of poor spatial awareness. College football players are now getting paid like NFL veterans, and they only need to get one foot down. Ouch, Hoosiers.

Remember two weeks ago when we were lauding Alabama's offensive machine coming off a 56-point performance against Mississippi State? Last week: 17 against Georgia. This week: 10 against Tennessee. #14 Rocky Top hammered the #6 Tide 26-10 in Knoxville, handing the Crimson their second consecutive loss. Only TWO OTC entries were brave enough to chase the Volunteers: Clarkster and David's USA. Enjoy your well-earned moment with some orange and white checkered stogies.

And then there's Texas. After losing to unranked Oklahoma last week, the Longhorns followed up with a 27-24 loss to Florida. Yes, the same Florida that demolished Ole Miss, got demolished by Missouri, and then lost to South Carolina. Now they've beaten #7 Texas. The Gators aren't a football team. They're a random number generator wearing shoulder pads.

Around the rest of the OTC slate, Ole Miss dismantled #13 Missouri 31-3. The Tigers had just beaten Florida and Texas A&M in consecutive weeks. Naturally, they responded by scoring three points.

Kentucky beat Oklahoma 21-13, one week after the Sooners knocked off #1 Texas. Apparently beating the best team in America is exhausting.

North Carolina beat Duke 24-20, giving Bill Belichick consecutive victories after his historic win over Pitt last week. The old man is heating up. Somebody check on Tom Brady.

Toledo handled Eastern Michigan 34-14, while Air Force beat UNLV 41-31. UCLA remained unbeaten with a 17-7 win over Wisconsin. 24 total points. Big Ten football in all its glory. And Houston survived Oklahoma State 35-32 in a ranked Big 12 showdown.

In OTC, MasterGrimes rode his faith in BYU all the way to the Week Seven crown with 42 points. 

But the biggest news of all: atop the overall standings, we have a new king. WahooWa has seized first place with 269 points, knocking fan favorite PickleRicks RicklePicks into second at 265. And making his first appearance in our weekly dispatch, Green Goblin 65 has catapulted into third with 260.

A four-point gap at the top. Nine points separating the top three. The race is officially on.

And then there's Diamond Dave's 1st Entry. Zero. Our first no-show of the season. Seven weeks into the season, Diamond Dave has 134 points. The next-lowest entry has 215. Commish, we are petitioning you to boot his ass. At this point, Dave is just bringing down the property values.

I’ll admit, I hope next week lets us breathe after what transpired in Week 7. Ole Miss v. Texas and Houston v. Utah lead the slate. But even if it’s a bit quiet in the world of Top 25 matchups, you better believe the OTC Pick ‘Em slate will be cooking. No rest for the weary. Think you're slick? Make that pick!

                   VEGAS

#4 Ohio State (-3) @ #5 Indiana

#6 Alabama (-7.5) @ #14 Tennessee

Toledo (-6.5) @ Eastern Michigan

UNLV @ Air Force (-1.5)

North Carolina @ Duke (-3)

#13 Missouri @ #9 Ole Miss (-5.5)

#15 Kentucky @ Oklahoma (-6.5)

Wisconsin @ #12 UCLA (-2.5)

#18 Oklahoma State @ #20 Houston (-4.5)

#2 Notre Dame (-10.5) @ #8 BYU