WEEK 5

Any sharps who make a living betting on college football deserve a Nobel Prize in mathematics. Consider the last three weeks.

Week Three: #8 Ole Miss upsets #7 LSU.

Week Four: #21 Florida beats the Rebel out of #4 Ole Miss, 52-28.

Week Five: #25 Missouri, fresh off a loss to Mississippi State, trounces #8 Florida, 45-17.

Are we living in the golden age of college football parity? Or is this sport just stupid?

Whatever the answer, we have a resident sharp in our midst.

CircleCityAndy.

Thirty-five entries. Thirty-four picked Florida. Andy from Indianapolis (I’m presuming there aren’t any other cities out there clamoring for the nickname “Circle City”) picked Missouri. Nobel committee, take note.

But amidst all that chaos, there was the return of the machine: Alabama.

14 points in the first quarter.

14 in the second.

14 in the third.

14 in the fourth.

Alabama 56. #16 Mississippi State (that same team that just beat Missouri and South Carolina) 23.

And remember last week when we discovered God was a MAC fan? Turns out God just hates Michigan.

One week after Iowa silenced the Big House at 0:00, the Wolverines went to Minneapolis and lost to Minnesota 20-14. Michigan hadn't lost to the Gophers in Minneapolis since 1977. I was negative 10 years old, a stat that gives me only more respect for the three of you who had the balls to pick Minnesota. Your bravery paid off. 

We should have seen it, though. Never bet against a coach willing to smear his own player's blood across his face. Row the boat!

Around the rest of the OTC slate, Iowa State survived West Virginia 45-42 behind running back Aiden Flora, who rushed for 212 yards and three touchdowns while also going 2-for-2 passing for 48 yards and two more scores. Five total touchdowns from a running back. 

Ohio State welcomed Iowa back to reality after last week’s euphoria with a 31-14 win at Kinnick. Kentucky survived South Carolina 35-34 in overtime. Florida State beat Virginia 38-7 as dogs. BYU is making a play for my heart yet again, remaining undefeated with a 17-10 win at TCU (despite Bear Bachmeier throwing for 62 yards). Winning is winning...

Baylor entered Tempe as a 3.5-point underdog and beat Arizona State 55-19. Vegas missed that one by 39.5 points. And Arizona demolished Cincinnati 34-7, with the Bearcats heroically scoring their first points with two minutes left to avoid the shutout.

In OTC, our resident Missouri savant CircleCityAndy rode his lone-wolf pick to a 7-3 record and 43 points, earning the Week Five crown.Three points behind him was THE (presumably a nod to The Ohio State University, or maybe just a fan of definite articles).

Atop the overall standings, PickleRicks RicklePicks continues to own both the best name and the best score at 210 points. 404NoPointsFound sits 13 back at 197, while Kybow Picks and WahooWa are tied for third at 196.

And then there's Chase's 1st Entry. Nine points. Single digits. I am praying that our boy simply forgot to submit 9 of his 10 picks. If he didn’t I need his Week 6 selections ASAP so I can fade the shit out of every single one.

And somehow Chase isn't even in last place. Diamond Dave's 1st Entry continues to hold that honor with 110 points. Dave scored 10 last week. Chase scored 9 this week. Who is going to continue the race to the bottom with 8? We won’t know until next Sunday. Week Six awaits. Think you’re slick? Make that pick!

                        VEGAS

#7 Alabama (-5.5) @ #16 Mississippi State

West Virginia @ Iowa State (-3.5)

Michigan (-5.5) @ Minnesota

#8 Florida (-5.5) @ #25 Missouri

Virginia (-2.5) @ Florida State

#5 Ohio State (-14.5) @ #14 Iowa

#24 Kentucky @ South Carolina (-3)

#10 BYU (-6.5) @ TCU

Baylor @ Arizona State (-3.5)

Cincinnati @ Arizona (-6.5)

WEEK 4

Well, well, well. Who would have thought God was a MAC fan?

That is the only plausible explanation for what occurred in Ann Arbor Saturday afternoon, as the football gods reached down and tilted the scales of justice against the maize and blue. In their fourth straight home game, big blue found themselves on the Western Michigan side of an unthinkably improbable (though in this case legitimate) comeback. 

As Reece Vander Zee silenced 100k+ with the clock reading 0:00 (for real), I half expected the confused Wolverine fans to charge the field. Congrats to the seven of you brave enough to pick the Hawkeyes.

I’ll admit, I spent the entire week flummoxed by the Rebels v. Gators spread. #4 Ole Miss, fresh off one of the most anticipated games of the season (decade?, century?, history?) a 4.5-point underdog against #21 Florida? What?

And then I read a life-changing stat. Prior to Saturday, an AP Top 5 team had been an underdog against a team ranked outside the Top 20 just four times since 1978. Those teams were 0-4. After Saturday, make it 0-5. And it wasn’t even close. Florida 52. Ole Miss 28.

Vegas was giving us the closest thing to sure money outside a U.S. treasury bond. The easiest investment strategy in America was simply to wager your entire net worth on Florida.

Sadly, I’m a wuss. Enjoy a state school, kiddos.

Meanwhile, those vanquished LSU Tigers? Steamrolled #23 A&M 35-6. 

This sport has the memory of a goldfish.

Out west, with all due respect to former PAC fans, things got UGLY in LA.

Oregon quarterback Dante Moore gave himself up on a slide when USC linebacker Desman Stephens came flying in late and drilled him in the head. In the words of Dan Lanning, “Disgusting.” It made for a scary moment, with Moore immobilized and taken from the Coliseum via ambulance. Stephens was ejected (and subsequently suspended) for the infraction. And then, the Ducks flew together.

Enter Dylan Raiola. The same Dylan Raiola whose 2025 season ended when he broke his leg in this exact stadium. 289 yards and two touchdowns later: Oregon 41. USC 27.

First loss of the season for the Trojans.

In Rocky Top, #1 Texas survived #14 Tennessee 20-17 in the battle of orange in front of POTUS himself. Trump's attendance became a storyline before the game after Texas coach Steve Sarkisian said the president's movements at last year's national championship had caused interference with sideline communications. Little did we know why Indiana went so red in the last presidential election.

Naturally, during the first quarter Saturday, ESPN explained on air how Trump's presence could potentially cause communication issues inside Neyland Stadium.

And then ESPN's own audio stopped working. Static. Garbled microphones. Chris Fowler eventually telling Kirk Herbstreit to stop talking while they tried to fix it. Somewhere a secret service agent chuckled.

Back east, though not on the pick ‘em slate, we can’t miss the opportunity to commend Penn State on their 17-0 lead against Wisconsin at home. 

They lost 24-20. And James Franklin isn't even there anymore. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

Moving on.

Around the rest of the OTC slate, Boise State suffocated Western Michigan 32-7, holding the Broncos to 2-for-14 on third down and 0-for-3 on fourth. The Cornhuskers handled Michigan State 31-13 to move to 4-0, inspiring early season hope yet again.

JMU beat Old Dominion 46-20, now also 4-0. Darling status: increasingly official. Cincinnati was a six-point dog against Kansas State and won the game outright, 31-26. Oklahoma State lassoed West Virginia 41-24 while piling up 609 yards of offense. The Cowboys might just be back. And Mississippi State beat #19 Mizzou 31-24.

In OTC, Knightro Express nearly achieved perfection. 53 of 55 points. One pick away. That one loss? Michigan. Ouch. Respectable nonetheless. The next-best score on the week was 45.

PickleRicks RicklePicks continues to own both the best name and the top of the leaderboard with 180 points. Duane's 1st Entry sits ten points back at 170. His second entry remains off the leaderboard entirely. WahooWa is hot on his heels at 169.

And then there's Diamond Dave's 1st Entry in Week Four. 10 points. TEN. Last week's Stinker scored 16 and we treated it like a crime against humanity. Dave saw that and said hold my beer.

Ten games. Fifty-five possible points. Ten earned. A complete, unflushed turd of a week.

Please don’t be a Dave in Week 5.

Next week boasts Bama @ Miss State, Ohio State @ Iowa, Florida @ Missouri, and… Notre Dame @ UNC. The Marcus Freeman / Bill Belichick contrast couldn’t intrigue me more.

Saddle up, gents. Think you’re slick? Make that pick!

Prayers for Dante 🙏🏻

(That shit was beyond unacceptable)

                    VEGAS

#1 Texas (-4.5) @ #14 Tennessee

#4 Ole Miss @ #21 Florida (-4.5)

#17 Iowa @ #20 Michigan (-4.5)

Boise State (-8.5) @ Western Michigan

Nebraska (-6) @ Michigan State

JMU (-7) @ ODU

Kansas State (-6) @ Cincinnati

Oklahoma State @ West Virginia (-1.5)

#20 Oregon (-3.5) @ #12 USC

#19 Missouri @ #24 Mississippi State (-3.5)

WEEK 3

Hotty Toddy, Gosh Almighty, Who The Hell Are We? Flim Flam, Bim Bam, Ole Miss, By Damn!

         "HOTTY FUCKING TODDY"     ~TC

The headlines will tell you Trinidad Chambliss had ice in his veins Saturday night. Emotion at a fever pitch in Oxford, the likes of which college football may have never seen before, and may never see again. The return of the coach who plucked him from obscurity before running off to chase something shinier, leaving Trinidad holding his balls (footballs - mind out of the gutter, folks).

And what does Chamby do? 363 yards through the air. Three total touchdowns. The go-ahead score with six minutes left, curb stomping the furious LSU comeback following a 17-point halftime deficit.

But the absolute coldest son of a bitch in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium wasn't on the field. He was manning the aux cord.

As LSU walked out to a chorus of “fucks,” that would have made Scorcese cringe, the Tigers were reportedly greeted with the NFL on Fox theme, a not-so-subtle reminder of Lane's recent attempt to raid the NFL waiver wire for reinforcements.

Then the Rebels went full tilt rebel, training Lane and spoiling his vitriol-doused homecoming in epic fashion, 32-24.

But our savant on the sound wasn’t done.

As Lane walked off the field following his first loss as LSU's head coach, dealt by the hand of his former DC, the stadium speakers delivered the coup de grâce:

Callin' Baton Rouge. “Such a strange combination of a woman and a child.” Garth Brooks delivered the punchline 33 years later.

Goddamn. That’s cinema. I can’t wait for the movie.

How intense was the Ole Miss hatred toward the most hated man in sports? It overshadowed what may have been the greatest act of football incompetence in modern history, and the story that would have been the lead in any other of this season’s 15 weeks.

Six seconds on the clock in Nashville. NC State leads Vanderbilt 31-28. NC has the ball. It’s 4th down. Vandy has no timeouts remaining. Run around, fall down, go home with a W. It’s over. But we all know that’s not what happened.

Fumble. In the end zone. Vanderbilt recovered. Vanderbilt scored. Refs put one second on the clock. Vanderbilt kicks the XP. Vanderbilt COVERS 3.5. 

Over the past 20 seasons, teams leading AND possessing the football in the final 10 seconds were 1,046-1. I don’t know who the one is, but I’m sure they are all in witness protection. And now it’s time for NC State to get themselves new passports. Absolutely brutal. And for those of us who hypothetically had $200 on Wolfpack ML, well, let’s just say I had a lot of questions at church this morning.

Elsewhere on the OTC slate, Arizona State crossed the pond and beat Kansas 24-17 at Wembley despite being outgained 414-228 yards. Kansas turned it over three times, allowed a 100-yard kickoff return touchdown and watched a 305-pound defensive lineman return a fumble 77 yards.

The British have to be wondering what the hell is wrong with this sport.

Clemson trailed UNC 17-3 before a stadium-record 2-hour, 28-minute lightning delay. The Tigers emerged from the locker room and won 28-20. Dabo lives. Belichick might die. 

Louisville and SMU changed leads eight times before the Cardinals won 41-31. Mississippi State tanked the Gamecocks and their high expectations. Florida survived Auburn 44-39 after nearly blowing a 34-17 lead. Virginia Tech went into College Park and beat down Maryland 35-26, snapping the Terps' 20-game nonconference winning streak (yes, that Maryland team had a streak). Northwestern absolutely cooked Colorado 41-7. And JMU walked into San Diego as a 1.5-point dog and left 3-0.

In OTC, Kybow Picks and Knightro Express shared the week's high score with 47 points apiece. But it’s PickleRicks RicklePicks who remains king of the degenerates at 138 points, a full eight points clear of Duane's 1st Entry. No idea how Duane’s 2nd entry is doing.

And then there's MasterGrimes. 16 points. We all know the name. This isn't some rookie who accidentally stumbled into OTC and put ten confidence points on Colorado. This is an OG. A veteran. A man who has spent years honing his craft. Studying the board. Learning the nuances. He's closer to the commissioner than Lane Kiffin is to a burner phone. And after all that institutional knowledge: 16 miserable points. Masterful, Grimes.

Meanwhile, Diamond Dave's 1st Entry remains our overall caboose with 75 points.

Week 4 boasts some good ones. Texas travels to Rocky Top. Ole Miss tries to avoid a hangover in the Swamp. Hawkeyes try to follow in Western Michigan’s footsteps and get a W in the Big House. A&M and LSU each try to get back on track after Week 3 stunners.

Pick wisely.

                   VEGAS

Arizona State (-5.5) @ Kansas

UNC @ Clemson (-3.5)

#16 SMU @ #23 Louisville (-1.5)

Mississippi State @ South Carolina (-3.5)

NC State @ Vanderbilt (-3.5)

Florida (-2.5) @ Auburn

VA Tech (-2.5) @ Maryland

Colorado @ Northwestern (-3.5)

#7 LSU (-2.5) @ #8 Ole Miss

JMU @ San Diego State (-1.5)